Stories of the Past, Stories of the Future
by Brinchen86
Summary: An unexpected twist confronts Xena with her past.


**Title:** Stories of the Past, Stories of the Future  
**Summary:** An unexpected twist confronts Xena with her past.  
**Characters/Pairings:** Xena/Borias  
**Rating/Warnings:** PG – 13, set in season 4.  
**Word Count:** 2,053  
**Disclaimer:** I DON'T own anyone or anything. I DON'T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.  
**Author's note:** This is an idea I had a while ago and that was supposed to be a multichapter. As I'm impatient though, here's a oneshot.

* * *

She stood on the massive wall that surrounded the town, with her eyes closed as she allowed herself to experience a moment of quiet. The quiet after a battle had always caused a strange atmosphere. Back in her evil days, Xena had enjoyed the memories of the fight, and the knowledge that she had won again. Now all she felt was a strong relief that the town and folks behind those thick walls had been saved again.

Caesar's soldiers had backed off and she doubted he would try to attack this area again for a while. He had lost too many men in the attempt. In shame she noticed the familiar feeling of satisfaction at this thought, but she couldn't help herself. Caesar was and would always be her enemy, the famous red sign that would urge her on and on. Finding the balance between revenge and justice was what mattered.

Her eyes fluttered open again as she took a deep breath. The battle against Caesar had turned out the way she had planned it. Most of her plans did, actually. As a well-skilled warrior, she knew how to be prepared for every possible outcome. But one twist had come unexpected: even she couldn't have seen that one coming.

She released her breath with a sigh. Xena stared ahead, taking in the hilly landscape, covered with the dark blanket of a starless night without seeing much. Instead, her thoughts were drifting away, finally, to let sink in what she had experienced during the past hours and days.

Somewhere deep inside, she had always hoped to see him again. There had been so much left unsaid. She wanted to show that eventually, she had understood. She had changed as well, even though it had taken her much longer. She was a good one now, no longer the Destroyer of Nations. She had freed herself of Alti's spirit that had haunted her for way too long, whom she had trusted far too easily.

But that she would actually get the chance had been the furthest from her mind. Xena took another deep breath as she heard how a door was opened and closed down there, in the town. She could feel his presence even though he was several feet away. It had always been that way. They had been partners for too long to shake this feeling off, no matter how many years they had been separated.

Xena stood still, listening to the familiar sound of his footsteps as he approached, made his way up the stairs and eventually stepped next to her. She could physically feel his presence, even though enough inches were still separating them.

"Your friend told me I'd find you up here," Borias said after seemingly endless moments of silence. "She thought maybe I should come looking for you."

The hint of a smile lit Xena's face. "Gabrielle knows me well." She paused. "It's something the both of you have in common obviously."

There was more she wanted to say, but for once, she didn't find the right words. So many years had passed since she had seen him for the last time. So much had happened since then. She had been unable to believe the truth when folks in towns had told her about the warrior who had arrived days ago to protect them as well, even when they had used the familiar name. Only when she had eventually gotten to face Borias, she had realised that he had indeed survived. He had needed years of staying at a tiny village with lost memories, and another couple of years of trying to figure out what to do next until he had heard of Caesar's plan to attack the near town and had decided to interfere.

For a moment or two, Xena had wondered if someone was trying to mess with her mind again. The furies maybe? But once again, it had been Gabrielle whom she could count on, who had helped to sort out all those confusing thoughts that had been spinning in her mind, mixing up with old memories, pain and guilt. A few questions had been answered, a few topics had been left aside, and they had eventually teamed up against Caesar, instantly finding their old balance that allowed them to strike back against the Romans.

The battle had been a good distraction, something to focus on. But now...what would happen next? Where would they go from this point?

"Can you believe it?" she decided to say eventually, knowing he wouldn't break the silence again. It was her turn. "You and I, fighting by each other's side again. For the greater good even."

"I wonder to whom this is more of a surprise. You or me?" Looking up, she found him gazing back at her. "I always knew you had it in you, while you couldn't know I had survived." For a moment, guilt flashed across his face: a feeling she was all too familiar with.

"It's not you who should feel guilty, Borias," she stated.

"No?" he asked back. "I might have lost my memories for a while, but when I got them back...if I tried a little harder to find you, then maybe..."

His voice trailed off, but she knew exactly what he had wanted to say. If he had found her a little earlier, maybe they could have protected their son together. Maybe they could have given Solan the family he had always wished for so deeply. But he hadn't found her, or their child.

"You couldn't have found me or him earlier, no matter what you'd have done," she reminded him. "Alti cursed him. She made sure we'd never raise him."

The rage in his eyes perfectly matched her own feelings for the nemesis of her past. "Fortunately you took care of this demon."

A weak smile tore at the corners of Xena's mouth. "See?" she said, staring ahead again. "You always knew she was evil. I should've listened to you. Maybe..."

"Maybe we should stop with the 'what ifs'," he interrupted her, making her look up again. "The past cannot be changed, can it?"

"No, it can't," she agreed quietly. "Doesn't change it won't ever stop haunting you."

"Whom are you telling that?" Borias asked back. "I was as evil as you. One good deed doesn't erase that. We shall not forget what we did, how much harm we caused, but don't you think that somewhere along the line, one has to start moving forward rather than living in the past."

"Gabrielle always says I should forgive myself," Xena stated. "I doubt I'll ever be able to do that though. How could I?"

"You could, if you didn't mistake forgiving yourself for forgetting what you did," he told her. "There's a difference between the two."

Straightening herself, she turned towards him completely. "Does that mean you got over the past?" she wanted to know.

Borias hesitated. "Depends." He looked away for the split of a moment. With a sigh, he added, "Not completely, no. I never got over you."

"It didn't either," she admitted before she knew what she was doing. Pain rushed through her like a burning hot flash and she quickly added, "But we haven't exactly separated on good terms, and the last few months back then...I..."

"We'd drifted into different directions," he completed for her. With a mild smile, he said, "I'm glad to see that I wasn't entirely delusional though."

"Meaning?"

His smile widened barely visible. "Even back then, I thought there was something good in you. That there was still something between us. I wanted to get you away from your army. I wanted to start fresh with you and our son, somewhere else. Seems like my instinct wasn't so wrong after all."

His words hurt like stabs of a knife, right into her heart. Xena didn't bother to fight back the tears that started to rise in her eyes. Satrina had told her a similar story. Borias had wanted to take her with him, to start a new life somewhere else, far away from war. Back then, his loss had pained even more. Now he stood in front of her, alive and well, and for a moment, she couldn't help but wonder if she had finally gotten the second chance she had always secretly wished for.

"You could've changed me much earlier. If only I'd let you," she whispered, the first tear falling. "But...back then, I was convinced I was better off on my own. Love was a weakness to me. That's why I lost all respect for you: because you loved me. That made you weak in my eyes. Love...it only hurt. That's the only way I ever experienced it, so closing off my heart from any feelings seemed to be the only way to keep myself sane and strong."

"Gabrielle seems to have changed your point of view," Borias said.

"She did, yes." Xena nodded, her smile creating a strong contrast to her falling tears. "Who'd have thought that a chatty bard would teach me that it's okay to love? That it's a fundamental experience?" Pausing again, she took another deep breath. There was still a lot she wanted to say, a lot she wanted to ask for, but the words still wouldn't get past her lips. Instead, she added, "I can't tell you how glad I am that I met you again. That I could show you I've changed. I've become what you wanted me to be."

Smiling, he shook his head at her. "I didn't want you to change for me, you know? When I started to understand that we'd chosen a wrong path, that we were going to have a child, I paid more attention to you. I noticed that you weren't evil like that because of your lust for power only. You were so bitter and full of hate. That was your main motivation. You were destructive. Talented, but destructive, and obsessed with an idea that wasn't supposed to make you powerful but to ease your thirst for revenge."

Xena didn't know what to respond. In silence, she stared back at him, letting his words sink in. Even back then, he had seen her the way she really had been: a bitter, hateful woman who desired to get revenge for what had been done to her. Power had only been an instrument. He had seen right through her, just like Gabrielle did now.

"If only I had let you help me," she said quietly.

"That's what they call fate I'd say," Borias stated. "Maybe that explains why we met now."

"So?" Xena asked back. "And where are we going from here? Will we separate again, or will you travel with Gabrielle and me?"

"Will we have another chance?" he added, speaking out what she hadn't dared to say. "I always believed that one shouldn't give up."

She didn't know who of them had made the first step. Both seemed to follow an instinct again as they closed the last bit of distance left between them. The kiss tasted as familiar as she had expected it to, yet was entirely different, and she knew that was mainly due to herself. She was stunned by how much she had missed him, had missed this closeness, the fire which was apparently still blazing deep within them. The kiss heated up, desire returned as if it had never been gone in the first place. Minutes or hours could've passed as they parted again.

"I've missed you," she admitted quietly. "But..."

"One step after the other," he completed for her once again. "There's no rush."

"So you'll go with us then?" Xena asked with a teasing smile. "You and Gabrielle will get along well, but I can't promise the same for Joxer."

Borias chuckled. "I think if I could handle you back then, I can handle that friend of yours, too."

She nodded in response. One step after the other. Sounded like a plan. Maybe fate had really brought them back together. She had gotten the second chance she had wished for, and this time, she would make good use of it.


End file.
